I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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