You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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