If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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