That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
