Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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