and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
