Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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