halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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