forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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