I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
