Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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