And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
