turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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