He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
