Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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