Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
