no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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