Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
