i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
