I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
