I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
