This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
