you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
