I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
