Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
