did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
