I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
