We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
