Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
