I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
