I cockslap morals
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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