Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
