I need help removing her.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
