Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
