get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
