wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
