I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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