I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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