the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
