Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
