I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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