I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
