Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
