So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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