dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize