We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
