Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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