I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
