I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
