Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
