nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
