I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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