And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
