worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
