Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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