she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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