I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
