I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
