so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
