you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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