so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
