i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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