Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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