Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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