Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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