I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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