Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
