i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
