Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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