hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
