for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
